Dear Sue:
Can I call you Sue? We’ve never met, and I’m a bit old-fashioned. Trouble is, I finally got used to the whole Miss/Mrs/Ms thing, but just in the last couple of years I’ve gotten confused all over again. I mean, it would be rude of me to impose my patriarchal-white-colonialist-cis-male-heteronormative standards on you. (That’s a mouthful! How do you all ever get through a meeting?) And I still haven’t sorted out Chairman/Chairwoman/Chair, either. So I hope you don’t mind if we’re on a first name basis.
Anyway, I saw your statement on the resignation of Jeanette Hough and I’m puzzled about a couple of things.
You started out by saying that the “Republican establishment” “pressured” Jeanette to resign early. Wow. I’ve got to ask — who is in that “establishment?” I know you don’t mean the Fairfax GOP committee, because this “pressuring” thing is totally news to me. I don’t think you mean GOP elected officials, because they aren’t in the habit of telling each other what to do. It’s basically live and let live on our side – but you’ve got Boss Connolly, so maybe it’s different over there. And I know you don’t mean donors. Heck, Jeanette beat you guys like a drum in 2015 on a $20k budget.
So I’d be really grateful if you can tell me about this “establishment.” We have a whole bunch of new voters on our side who came in last year thinking we were the “establishment.” You know them – they used to be your voters. (Come to think of it, the President used to be one of yours!) Anyway, we’re trying to build bridges, and if people are going to start blaming the “Republican establishment” for things, I hate being in the dark. Plus, I’d like to get in on the action. It doesn’t have to be a $400,000 speaking engagement with Goldman Sachs. A trip to Paris on Leo DiCaprio’s private jet would be plenty cool.
I’m also wondering if you’ve ever met Jeanette. Because she’s a smart, independent-minded woman who manages to be decent, thoughtful, pleasant, and tough, all at the same time. In fact, she’s a darn good politician – just ask Ted Velkoff. Not exactly somebody who lets herself get pushed around.
Now just between us, we both know we have to throw the base a little red meat now and then – oops, there I go again. Forgot about the vegans and vegetarians and pescatarians. It is such hard work to be politically correct. But I’m trying!
Anyway, I think you’ll find these rhetorical appeals are a lot more effective when you base them on actual facts. Next time, if you want a reality check, give me a call.
The other thing that puzzles me is the griping about having to pay for a special election. Since when does anybody in the Democratic Party care about more government spending? I would have thought this was a good thing!
I have a few suggestions, in the spirit of common sense bipartisanship. What if we stop hiring consultants to study school name changes that students and parents oppose? Or make sure the school system actually follows through on employing an internal auditor, so maybe if a program isn’t working we can save just a penny or two?
Or – and this would make my folks really happy – you could just choose not to field a candidate. We’ll endorse somebody on our side, you can “pressure” everybody else to stay out, and presto — we don’t need an election! Status quo is preserved, with no money spent! Whaddaya say? I mean you’ve already got nine out of 12 seats – why do you need one more? Share the wealth, isn’t that what Bernie says?
With kind regards –
Matt Ames
cc: Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin
