The Smoking Gun has the story of two recent assaults on women with pizza as the weapon.
“According to a Wilkesboro Police Department report, Parsons became angry after slipping on a wet floor. As he cursed at McKinney, Parsons allegedly pelted her with pizza. (I like the alliteration but I hate when I get pelted with pizza!)
During questioning by cops, Parsons denied throwing the pizza. However, an officer reported finding “pizza sauce on the back of [McKinney’s] right rib cage.” Additionally, “there were pieces of pizza all over the living room floor as well as on the wall behind the front entrance door to the apartment.”
Parsons was charged with assault on a female and booked into the Wilkes County jail on the misdemeanor count.” Is assault on a female different from an assault on a male?
More from the article:
“In a prior incident, a South Carolina man was collared last Wednesday for domestic violence after he allegedly assaulted his girlfriend with a slice.
Jimmy Ray Poage, 47, was busted after the 40-year-old victim told sheriff’s deputies that he threw pizza at her in the couple’s Fort Mill home. The woman–who had pizza sauce on her face, arms, and clothing–also said that Poage grabbed her around the neck and slammed her into a kitchen counter.
Poage, seen in the adjacent mug shot, admitted pelting his girlfriend with pizza, but claimed that she threw it at him first. But while the woman’s clothing was splattered with sauce, Poage’s garments were “clear of pizza or pizza sauce,” according to a York County Sheriff’s report.
Charged with domestic violence, Poage was booked in to the county jail, from which he was released Thursday after posting $2,130 bond.”
Who knew that domestic violence with pizza could be so expensive?
The Police report on Mr. Parson’s pizza assault can be found here.
We must do all we can to stop this growing threat. Assault with pizza MUST stop now!
Filed under: You can’t make this stuff up.
4 comments
At least no one was attacked with a fish!
Clearly this calls for Pizza Control laws. Perhaps limit purchases to one pizza per month, with a limit on the amount of sauce per pizza. I could also see maybe banning scary looking pizzas, like military-style meat lover’s pizzas.
Good ideas! We must also ban all pizza slices that might look like a gun after a a child has gnawed on it.
If you’re unsuccessful at banning pizzas, maybe you could try to ban the toppings instead. Especially multiple toppings, which pose a particular danger to society. After all, without toppings, pizzas are rendered harmless.