On alternate years, the girl and boy grandchildren get to pick their perfect live tree. This year it was the girl’s turn, and a “perfect” live tree was selected – although complaints from “you know who” were raised about it being too small and not bushy enough. (As we know from the media and political world, critics are everywhere and often ridiculous in their complaints. The same applies to Christmas tree shopping.)
However, this year’s Christmas Tree shopping had an unusual twist. Our 3 decades old artificial Christmas tree finally gave up the ghost and a new artificial tree was needed. “You know who” saw an opportunity to permanently imprint his Christmas Tree selection on the family. The subsequent debate was long and arduous – but “he” finally won out. What happened next was memorable – or maybe better forgotten.
Our grandson is a newly minted teenager who stands about 6 feet plus. His nickname in school is Pencil although his buddies are cautious when referring to him in that manner. Well, Pencil has what I refer to as “tall man’s disease”, everything big and tall is preferred over small and petite (at least at this age). The Christmas tree selected after about 2 hours of shopping at Lowes, Home Depot, Walmart and Balsam Hill online was a pre-lit 9-footer. Lowes won the bidding so the unassembled tree in its box went Into the SUV and quickly home. Upon setup, it was obviously too tall.
Back to Lowes we went, but the store was closed and no return was possible. Nevertheless, a trip to Home Depot was made to pick up selection number two, a 7.5-footer with a multicolor LED feature. Fortunately, we were able to get the boxes of each tree side by side in the SUV. Once again, quickly home followed by the set up. We clicked the “on button” and suddenly the room was blasted with searchlight intensity white light. The LEDs were obviously too bright. Disassembly, re-boxing and then back to Home Depot followed.
There was only one Christmas tree left that might fit the bill. It was a 7.5-footer with over 100 multi-color and multi-action features. It was a beauty in the store and fortunately at home. It was also the most expensive artificial Christmas tree with the exception of Balsam Hill’s offerings.
There are numerous morals to the story: Don’t let the tallest teenager pick the tree. LED lights are not the familiar old incandescent mini-lights. If you are going to spend 8 hours shopping for an artificial tree, you won’t get to ”just right” until you get to “too expensive”. Finally, it is a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious way to have fun with the family!!! We refer to this shopping adventure as “Too tall. Too Bright. Too Expensive. But just right.”