Columbus Day Revisited

“Okay, but exactly which tribe was that? And, where did they come from.”

I really need to enlarge my circle of friends.

It’s not the first time I’ve been invited to a “small get-together” by a friend only to find myself the “conservative” that the host intends to be the evening’s pinata boy – some light entertainment to keep the festivities moving.

The trouble started when Dan, the host, loudly tapped on a beer bottle with a bottle opener to gather the crowd’s attention. Without forewarning, my stomach churned. I knew I’d been set up.   

“Okay, everyone,” Dan conspicuously didn’t look at me, “it’s a long weekend. Summer’s gone. Fall is here. And before you know it, the holidays are gonna be here. So, I thought Indigenous People’s Day would be the perfect time for us to grab a beer, chat it up, meet a new friend, and just have some fun!” The crowd was smiling in agreement, and quite a few lifted their beer bottles as a salute.

My only thought turned into an audible before I could catch it. “OMG.”  

Dan looked at me. I smiled weakly. He started again, “And I’d be remiss…” -and my mind immediately went into flight mode, reasoning that anytime you hear the word ‘remiss,’ and you’re pretty sure you’re the subject of the negligence, the nearest exit is the best plan.

Sure enough, Dan beamed as he continued, “We have a special guest tonight that I want to introduce.” As he pointed at me, I could feel the collective focus of the crowd’s eyes fixed on me.

Then Dan pulled the trigger. “He’s a conservative writer I’ve known for years. He’s an author and commentator. And he writes a lot about politics, culture, and faith issues. He’s worked in politics, run for office, and worked for both Reagan and Bush, and did something with that bad Orange man!” The hisses filled the room as Dan laughed. “But, he’s a great guy, so get to know him.” Dan smiled because he knew I was cornered like a rat. There were no welcoming smiles visible from the guests.

It didn’t take long before the first strike at the pinata landed. He introduced himself as “Tom” (the very petite girl with him pointedly didn’t offer her name) – and smiled as he swung. “So, you a Trump racist too?”

“Pardon me?” I know it was defensive, but as the first question, it caught me flat-footed, and I needed the time to consider my answer.  

“Wow,” I smiled. “How do you define racist?”

Tom didn’t miss a beat. “Well, Trump hates anyone who isn’t white and rich. He’s an ultra-rightwing demagogue who hates immigrants and Muslims. He’s spoken out against Indigenous People’s Day and instead wants to celebrate the racist murderer Columbus and the Europeans who stole this land and raped the women and took slaves.”

“Fine,” I said as a snappy retort. “But, Tom, who exactly were the first inhabitants of North and South America?”

“The indigenous tribes!” Tom smiled at his nameless girlfriend as though he’d just won a marathon. We also grew a half-dozen onlookers.  

“Okay, but exactly which tribe was that? And, where did they come from.” Tom looked at me as though the question was new.

I picked the pace up. “I’m sure you know that science is still out on the first inhabitants of North and South America. A long-held theory is that many of those we’re calling indigenous today were, in fact, stone-age people who came to the Americans from someplace else. The historical record is that all the inhabitants were pretty recent.” Ms. no-name was frowning.  

“Some certainly came from Siberia and maybe Mongolia too, based on DNA. They probably came across the Bering Sea from Siberia to Alaska, moving from small island to small island as the Ice Age receded and the oceans rose.”

“So, just proves they were here first,” Tom offered.

I moved on. “Then there’s newer scientific evidence suggesting there was also migrating peoples from other places, most likely from across the Pacific, like the Polynesians who got to Hawaii around 2,000 years ago.” Tom’s eyes were squinting in a questioning way, so I pressed on the gas. “Based on tool comparisons scientists have recently discovered, it seems very likely that perhaps 25,000 years ago, people groups inhabiting what is now Spain and France may have made their way to America. During the Ice Age, they would have used extended ice packs along the Northern Hemisphere. And, of course, there are the Vikings over a thousand years ago – but it seems clear there were others from Europe before them.”

Tom turned a bit red. “Why haven’t I heard any of this?”

I shrugged as the onlookers increased. “Dunno, Tom, but there are even other groups of ancient people that came and went over the last 25,000 years at least. The point is that you’re comparing the world you now live in – to primitive tribes or people that were advanced stone-age groups at best, that we barely understand today. The whole world was on the move. The same was happening in England, Europe, Asia, and Africa. The Ice Age came and went and scattered humans worldwide out of necessity. So, when I asked you who the actual first indigenous peoples were in the Americas, the answer was that there was no one group. There were many.”

Tom’s girlfriend was defiantly crossing her arms and finally spoke. “Great, so what? That doesn’t mean Columbus and his murderers had the right to come along and steal the land and kill the Native Americans.”

“Well, again, you’re applying today’s standards to a world you and I can’t even imagine, much less understand. You cannot change what is done. The last five thousand years of recorded history are that a people or an empire organized themselves and invaded their neighbors, stealing their land and wealth and making slaves of the captives. You can’t name one civilization on earth that didn’t do that. Not one. And the settling of the New World followed the well-worn path of human history.” I waited for a response. None came.

“The various tribes and so-called indigenous people in the Americas did exactly the same thing. In truth, they were particularly violent and bloodthirsty. Almost all of them we know of enslaved their enemies if they could. The Incas, Mayan, and Aztecs all practiced mass human sacrifices by the tens of thousands, slavery, and cannibalism. In North America, tribal wars were spectacularly vicious and ongoing. Slavery and horrific torture were ubiquitous, and cannibalism was commonplace among all the larger tribes, such as the Mohawks and Iroquois. None of this is news, guys. You just have to dig a little.”

Tom turned pale, and his girlfriend looked shocked. “The truth is there aren’t many heroes in human history. A hundred million people were murdered in just the last hundred years by their own governments. What excuses us?

“We celebrate Columbus because he was, in many ways, an extraordinary man of vision, courage, and, yes, faith. But he was a man of his time, just like we are. The European migration into the New World was just an extension of history. There was wide-open and largely unsettled land for the taking, and that’s what people do. Some came for riches and gold, others for freedom and God.”  

Hearing nothing, I went on. “The good news is that the people who came for freedom and God have carried the day. The American experiment founded in this land has made the modern world. You can go to bed tonight surrounded by the life that freedom and faith made possible. So we don’t need to tear apart the past that we can’t change – we need to fight to keep a future we can change for the better every day.”

Tom and his friend walked off without a word, and the small crowd wandered off for another beer. I hit the door and was on the highway in my steel horse in sixty seconds.